The Problem Isn't Just the Phone

Say a typical Pakistani teenager: one friend seated next to you, talking on her phone. The one on her left is doing the same, and the one to her right as well. It's just you, your friends, sitting together and yet each one in their own silo of digital space. Say a typical Pakistani teenager: one friend seated next to you, talking on her phone. The one on her left is doing the same, and the one to her right as well. It's just you, your friends, sitting together and yet each one in their own silo of digital space. Or it's the age-old routine of a parent telling their teenage son, who's sitting alone on his phone on the sofa, to 'go out and socialize,' yet no such place actually exists for him to go. Or it's a WhatsApp group spanning a dozen friends who are carrying on a conversation for an hour after school is done. The irony of being present and yet not. Yes, we all know what this contradiction is referring to. After all, our parents and teachers keep telling us that we should try and build meaningful, 'real' relationships instead of building our social lives on digital mediums. But what does that really mean? What exactly are 'real' relationships in a world where a good deal of our social lives now occur in digital spaces? A great deal of this contradiction is not easily visible to most of us. And this is the reason why we keep ending up in the awkward social situations that often make us feel the way we do. For instance, yes, digital communication helps us make friends easier, but it also comes at a cost – it helps us avoid the discomfort of maintaining more meaningful, face-to-face communication. When most of our social contacts take place online, we risk losing our ability to read nonverbal cues like body language and eye contact, to deal with awkward silences, to disagree with someone without making an enemy out of them, and to use social skills to resolve a conflict. So much of our worries stem from the idea that if we could just pass a digital detox program, our teens would be alright. But what's the alternative? For many teenagers, digital connection is as close to socializing as they could get. Having access to social media is all they have got in terms of freedom, of access to public spaces, and of opportunities to interact with friends outside school. But let's give the teenager more agency here. So often, teenagers are spoken about as something that needs fixing, not people that we need to understand. It is possible to advocate for a more nuanced approach that combines digital literacy and habits that mitigate against digital addiction, screen time, and poor sleep, while investing in spaces and activities where teenagers can actually interact, socialize, and grow. Of course, there are legitimate concerns about social media. Screen time, online safety, misinformation and cyberbullying, and yes, addiction are real worries for parents and educators. Here's a more Pakistani-specific insight, though: Perhaps teenagers are not choosing their phone over 'real life'; rather, it is the phone that is the easiest doorway into a social life that the offline world does not always make accessible. How long before we are all left wondering whether the real crisis is teenagers opting to spend too much of their time online or an offline society that fails to offer them enough meaningful places to be?