From Chaos to Peace

As a teen and in my 20's, I used numbing as a way to run from the pain. It felt the only way to endure a life that was killing me little by little, day by day. Unaware of any other options, or ways of coping., my body was an unsafe place, a place I didn't want to be, so I left it. I lived just outside myself, far enough away to feel nothing, but still tethered to a physical vessel I didn't want. I spent years running, not knowing who I was or where I was going, just out running the pain that always chased me. Until one day I realized I couldn't outrun myself. Everything washed over me at once. I was drowning in the exact pain I had spent a decade avoiding. The turning point wasn't a magic cure all - I woke up exhausted. The way I was living wasn't working. I spoke to my spiritual teachers seeking external answers, but everything I was searching for was already in me. I just had to be willing to feel it and brave enough to face it. The source of my suffering was that I had deemed my body an unsafe place. My nervous system was so overloaded that chaos felt normal, while peace, relaxation, and regulation felt unnatural. I was subconsciously seeking out familiar stress just to feel grounded. Self sabotaging patterns at its finest. Seeing that pattern clearly changed everything. I began the slow process of finding safety in my physical body again. At night, instead of allowing myself to travel the astral plane, I locked myself in my body. Wrestling with myself, screaming to be set free. Not yet realizing that is exactly what I was doing. Throughout the day I started taking time to check in internally, using simple sensory practices to tune into the channel I had ignored for most of my life. My whole world shifted from external reaction to inward discovery. Numbing wasn't me failing, it was my physical system surviving until I was ready for new. Channeling self judgment into self compassion was the first real step in building love within myself, for myself. It was the moment I began to redefine me. I talk about this in greater detail in my book,Open Yourself, Embrace Yourself Subscribe now Discover Recourses & Community Thank you for holding this space with me within this community. May you find all that you desire. With gratitude, Faye You May Also Like: