Connecting with Priya Parker

Priya Parker () is a facilitator, strategic advisor, the acclaimed author ofThe Art of Gatheringand a personal hero of mine. Trained in the field of conflict resolution, Priya has worked with colleges, corporations, museums, non-profits, political movements, and family businesses in moments of change. Most recently, she advised the Zohran Mamdani campaign on their gathering strategy for a successful New York City mayoral bid. On her popular Substack, GROUP LIFE, she teaches practical skills in conflict and connection. Her forthcoming bookThe Art of Fightingis available September 8th. How have relationships influenced your professional development and leadership style? Dear Connector is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Relationshipsaremy professional development. Relationshipsaremy leadership style. There's no separating the two. I first learned this from my mentor, Hal Saunders, whose entire work focused on relationships as the fundamental unit through which all change happens. Do you have any tips for maintaining and building strong relationships? Host often. Throw gatheringsyouactually want to attend, not the ones you think you're supposed to throw. It doesn't have to be a production. If you have extra basil in your garden, invite friends over for basil mocktails and margarita pizza. If you have a new recipe you've been wanting to try, invite friends over to try it together. If you have a bucket list item, like walking from the top of Manhattan to the bottom, invite a group of friends to join you. If your favorite musician releases a new album, host a listening party. Invite friends to the park for a kickball game or picnic. Keep it absurdly simple. Also, in on people. Call them. If you see online that a friend is going through a tough time or has lost a parent or a job,callthem, send a card, or take them on a walk. Be present for your people. Small, repetitive actions of care build trust over time. It's also a lot more fun. How have you intentionally built inclusiveness into your circles? I don't think of it as inclusiveness so much as refusing to let the group become the same. If you've readThe Art of Gathering, you know that inclusiveness for inclusiveness' sake isn't my highest goal. In fact, over-inclusion can actually block connection and thinness and relevance of shared purpose. I think about being kind and generous, but that doesn't mean including everyone for everything (myself included!) What community or communities are you proud to be a part of? South Asians. Biracial people. Brooklynites. Facilitators. Writers. Iowans. Virginians. Indian-Americans. HOOS. The Center for Fiction. Comedians (just kidding). And my close circle of friends and family. Who's a Connector that's made a difference in your life? Erin Allweiss. She listens deeply to what I am struggling with, what I am looking for, or what I don't even know I need, and then her eyes start to sparkle, and she will say, 'I knowjustwho you need to meet!' Nealin Parker. She first made me believe I could actually do something as a first-year college student, and connected me with students and administrators to figure out what and how (which eventually led me to starting Sustained Dialogue at UVA). Amy Ariel Foxgot me many of my first jobs as a professional facilitator post-graduate school because she so deeply saw and understood what I could do AND so deeply understood and listened to the needs businesses and organizations had, and would put two and two together with the biggest confidence, joy, and trust. It's an honor to feature inspiring change-makers across industries who share their stories and words of wisdom about how to build meaningful relationships. Catch up onCONNECTEDwith our previous guests, including,,and more: Dear Connector is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.