When the carnies spruik dodgy cure-alls, run, run as fast as you can

Roll up! Roll up! In my hand and in limited supply is this rare miracle snake oil which the ancient Chinese discovered could cure aches and pains faster than you can say abracadabra. We've got a variety of snake oils on offer here today but you'll have to act fast because they're flying off the shelves. Login or signup to continue reading For money pains, you can't go past our Super Duper Snake Oil. It's guaranteed to make you feel richer today because you're not saving for tomorrow. Can't pay the rent? This blend fixes that by releasing some of that money tied up for your retirement. Drooling over that new Ford Ranger, dirt bike or latest PlayStation console? A bottle of this will get you there in no time. Worried about the sceptics? Don't be. Ignore their warnings that Super Duper will add to inflation next month and to the country's pension bill down the track. Who cares about future side-effects? [Turns to the assistant and whispers, "And we'll be long gone by then anyway."] This next oil, Smokin' Joe's Jungle Juice, is formulated to beat those cravings for a cancer stick. Guaranteed to bring down the price of durries, it's going to make smoking accessible to all. No need to shuffle into that dodgy tobacconist or servo and ask about under-the-counter Manchesters, looking over your shoulder wondering whether that bloke behind you is an undercover rozza. Smokin' Joe's fixes all that by removing nasty taxes collected to pay for the health care of people like you who enjoy a durry first, second and third thing in the morning and then get emphysema in old age. And here in my hand is Matey's Bonzer Mono Oil, guaranteed to calm all those feelings of insecurity, envy and distrust of everyone who looks different, speaks different and eats different to you. We know it works because North Korea and Communist China have been taking it for years and look how strong they've become. A bottle of this stuff will make Australia great again. It will take your mind off your thinning hair, that troublesome paunch and faded Foo Fighters T-shirt that mark you down as a disgruntled, angry Gen-Xer. If it means there's no health or aged care workers, delivery drivers, IT specialists, small business operators, people to pick the fruit, clean the hotel rooms and deliver the takeaway butter chicken you've ordered, who cares? We'll burn that bridge when we come to it. If your energy levels need a boost, you can't go past our Nut Zero blend. It will keep the coal burning in power stations for years to come, if even the owners don't want to because it's too expensive and too dirty. Several swigs of this stuff will make you forget about the bushfires and floods and dream about the cheaper electricity bills that won't happen overnight but will happen, believe me, as we remove all those nasty wind and solar factories. Folks, believe me, snake oil in all its forms is the answer to all your troubles. Look at Barnaby and how it's changed his life since he fell off the planter box. There's a spring in his step, a bigger hat and renewed interest in what he has to say. He has renewed relevance. All thanks to the snake oil he's swallowed. No wonder he wants you to swallow it too. HAVE YOUR SAY: Has practical policy taken a backseat to carnival-style politics when we decide where our vote is going? Is there a single policy from either the far left or far right that isn't snake oil? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au SHARE THE LOVE: If you enjoy The Echidna, forward it to a friend so they can sign up, too. IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: - Laws to give social media users more choice of what they see online have been welcomed by experts as Labor faces pushback from the Coalition over claims of censorship. - Veterans and families have confronted the government about impending healthcare caps they say are leading to the deaths of loved ones. - One Nation's new plan to allow workers to divert a quarter of their superannuation payments back into their bank accounts has been labelled "economically disastrous", with modelling showing regular workers would be tens of thousands of dollars worse off in retirement. THEY SAID IT: "The economic game is not supposed to be rigged like some shady ring toss on a carnival midway." - Arianna Huffington YOU SAID IT: It's hard to find but if you persevere, good news will lift your spirits, which is why John's collection of good news stories was well received. "Great news that someone is that someone is starting to takes steps to enable repair devices and tools," writes Arthur. "It is frustrating to dump perfectly good items with a fault because spare parts are priced so high. I replaced a washing machine with a faulty electronics board because replacement electronics board almost exceeded the cost of a new machine. I also have a petrol generator with a similar problem. The motor is as new with only five hours running but the faulty electronics board is more than half of the cost of a new generator." Ian writes: "Thanks for those good news nuggets, John. I had seen some of them, but somehow all the bad stuff seems to overwhelm them. My finger has been hovering over 'delete news subscriptions' for a while now (it did actually get plonked down on a certain app). Sometimes it requires a conscious effort to think about what we have to be grateful for. For example, living in Australia. I often suggest to my partner (who is a bit of an Eeyore), that she try keeping a gratitude diary. She usually comes up with something like 'not being bombed or shot at', or 'not living in the US'." "Thanks, John, for that uplifting report," writes Sandra. Heather writes: "I love your good news stories. More please! I thoroughly appreciate your writings. You make bad news a funny story often. Grateful for your presence in the media space. Love the way you extrapolate the individual narrative and expand to the big picture. You make it part of the human story. Individuality is rated too high in our culture. Humanity is connectedness. Human stories are all connected and quite funny most of the time." "There's a young Englishman called Sam Bentley whose monthly 'good news' program on YouTube and other sites shares stories from all over the world that encourage hopeful optimism in our sometimes chaotic world," writes Jennifer. "A recent topic was the redevelopment of wetlands in England, planting bullrushes in previously drained bog areas to absorb and slow down flood waters that have recently devastated many areas. The plants are harvested like a crop of wheat or rice, yielding useful fibre, including the fluffy seed heads, which are processed into a superior plant-based substitute for current poly filling in 'puffer jackets', etc. A wonderful example of a positive circular economy." Emile writes: "I found myself becoming increasingly alienated from news a year or two back because it is always always always bad news: murder, scams, PH, Libs, Israel, Palestine, and so on and on and on ad infinitum. So, I set out to find uplifting info and found a bunch of web sites which do just that: 'Fix The News', Smithsonian Magazine, ABC Science, ABC Bright Side, to name the first which come to mind; and my favourite, Scriptorium Philosophia." "It sure is good to get some good news," write Anne Marie. "Media very rarely offers this. It makes the world seem brighter. Keep it up!" Alison shares some personal good news: "A small thing, but liberating. I, and others in the village who use walkers, were assuming we couldn't get the bus to town because we wouldn't be able to lift the walker up the steps. One day recently I bit the bullet and trundled over to our nearest bus stop on a do-or-die mission. Well blow me, a bus came along and there weren't steps - jut a low floor only a little way above the footpath. It was easy to tilt the folded walker and get in. I had the time of my life that day going to the city library, out in the world and telling it to the world." "Always welcome some positive news, in a world full of gloom and negativity," writes Murray. "Interesting that EV sales have spiked. I was looking at someone's Polestar in a car park. Beautiful thing. And it looks like we are going to get a change of government in Victoria, and base load electricity is being promised. One is much too old a rat to be screwed by mice, and doesn't take promises from politicians at face value, but if they start making the electricity supply stable and affordable, perhaps a shiny new electric car could be an option." Margaret writes: "Thanks for the good news, John, it was great to read. I subscribe to some good news websites - Reasons to be Cheerful, Fix the News and Laughing Squid and read any feel-good stories on The Guardian and ABC websites. They all help negate the bad news." "Good work, John," writes Bede. Kay writes: "Thank you so much, for the good news day mailout today. What joy! Most grateful."