Only Questions

I can't bring myself to use AI to even dig up good news anymore. I feel filthy afterward. This means it might all be about bees again. A mega colony of bees was discovered under a cemetary in Ithaca, NY. Seriously. Roughly 5.5 million bees are living down there, most likely attempting to wait out this administration before heading back above ground. Evidently Bee vets are becoming a thing. The University of Georgia is integrating hive healthcare and honeybee medicine into its curriculum. This actually feels like a magical thing. There is a new whale museum in Norway opening up next year. It's shaped like a hump back whale. Visitors will feel like they are actually inside of a massive whale. Or at least they will be told that. I have to wonder what it feels like to be inside a whale. I would assume mortifying. Anyway, if you happen to be in Norway next June, stop in. El Presidente has pretty low approval ratings. Not low enough, in my opinion, but pretty damn low. I didn't use AI to create this Good News list and I feel much better about my entire life. Subscribe now Today as I pointed Benjamin, the love of my life, north toward my current house sitting gig, I couldn't help but marvel at the sky. The clouds hung in the atmosphere like joy, bits of sunlight breaking through the white wisps that stretched across the valley floor to the low hills in the distance. Almost every day I see something on my drive either to or from work that brings me to the edge of tears. Is this what old age is? Being moved dramatically to tears at the sight of…..clouds? If it is, I'm glad I'm old. Not just because simple things move me, but things that used to trigger me no longer have that power. Every drive home rids me of the ick I feel at my job. Don't get me wrong- I actually love my job, but the woman I'm replacing is doing everything she can to undermind me and it's kind of gross. I feel bad for her. She's clearly unhappy and in extreme amounts of physical pain. To add insult to injury, I am changing things for the better at such a rapid pace that she has resorted to hiding paperwork and leaving things unfinished on purpose so that it will be more challenging for us to get things done when she is gone. It's exhausting and I just have no energy to engage with her. I'm so happy that I have reached this place. I spent years and years working towards this. But damn, my heart goes out to her. She is so miserable. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change that. It's funny because there was a point in my life where I would have voraciously engaged with her. I would have gotten up on my high horse, my banner of the self righteous bee on a purple ground proudly waving in the wind, and gone into battle, sword at the ready. But now? Ugh. I can barely stomach it. I think this is the lesson I was supposed to learn. This isn't about me. Well, I mean, her behavior isn't about me. But the lesson? I started learning it at summer camp when I was 11. I went to a Jewish camp where you might say I was the best at being the most unpopular. The kids in my cabin made fun of me and no one wanted to be my friend. Why? I never really understood it, but I think mostly because they had all been going to this camp since they were little and I had been sent there against my will by a mother who really needed a break from me for a month or two. I was the outsider. It was in this era that I began to desperately try to figure out what was wrong with me. Why were my parents rejecting me? Why didn't my brother want to hang out with me? Why did I lie so much? Why did I have all this acne all over my face? There were so many questions and very few answers. It was at this point that I began to try to contort myself into pleasing shapes so that people would like me. This practice ended up causing a lot of long-term health problems that I have since resolved, but the echoes of this pattern still resound in my body. This woman's behavior is bringing up these very real memories of feeling like I can't do anything well enough to make anyone like me. I basically showed up at my job and I had two people who didn't like or trust me right off the bat. They still don't. What I can't figure out is, am I not reacting because I have gone through this so many times that I'm literally exhausted by it? Or, have I learned that their behavior has nothing to do with me so I have no desire to react to it? I think it might be a little bit of both. I'm just so happy to be in a place where I know it's not my garbage, so I don't have to do anything to clean it up. THINGS I LOVE Seeking Persephone. My anglophilism knows no bounds. Four episodes. All delightful. Smuggler Sisters ice cream in Sedro Wooley. The drive is worth it. Unless you're driving from Colorado. Then, maybe no. English Tea. My sister in law just had me over for tea yesterday. She made finger sandwiches, baby quiche, Earl Grey tea and delightful desserts. She served it on a mid century tea set and we chatted about the news of the day and the coming and goings of the people in our lives. It was DELIGHTFUL AS FUCK. Falling in love with every dog I meet. This Window at Dusk. Thanks again for reading and supporting this humble newsletter. I have been writing it for 12.5 years now and I am considering maybe retiring from it. I don't know. I like writing it, and I like the practice, but i'm not sure how much good it does for people. On that note, if you're reading this and would like to ask a question or steer me in a certain direction for next week's letter, let me know. Don't let the bastards get you down. Share