Understanding grief helps people navigate loss, trauma after Charlie Kirk assassination

Grief can look different for everyone, but understanding how people experience loss can help those grieving — and the people trying to support them. A year after her husband was assassinated at Utah Valley University, Erika Kirk has written publicly about the grief she has carried since his death and the challenge of continuing life without him. Kirk reflected on losing her husband, Charlie Kirk, and raising their two young children without their father in an op-ed published by The New York Times. Her experience comes with circumstances unique to her family, but grief following the death of someone close can affect people in dramatically different ways — and doesn't necessarily follow a predictable path. MORE: Erika Kirk reflects on grief as one-year anniversary of Charlie Kirk's killing approaches There is no timetable for grief There is no "normal" amount of time someone should grieve, according to the American Psychological Association. People also should not expect grief to follow a series of stages that eventually end. A person may begin adjusting to life after a death only to experience grief again around an anniversary, holiday or milestone. Other reminders can be much less predictable — a song, photograph, familiar place or ordinary routine once shared with the person who died. Grieving also looks different from one person to another. Some people may want to talk about the person they lost, while others may need more time to themselves or find comfort in returning to familiar routines. Remembering the person who died can also remain part of life after a loss. Families may continue traditions, share stories, display photographs or find other ways to maintain a connection to someone who remains important to them. Connection can help Friends, relatives and other sources of support can play an important role as someone adjusts to a loss. KUTV recently spoke with a Utah woman named Molly who lost her husband and described learning firsthand the importance of friendship and companionship during grief. Her experience eventually led her to focus on helping people develop in-person friendships and connections through shared experiences. Support can become particularly important after the initial period following a death, when calls, visits and offers of help may become less frequent even though the person grieving continues to experience the loss. For someone trying to help, that support doesn't always require knowing the right thing to say. Listening, acknowledging the loss and continuing to include the person in everyday life can provide connection without trying to fix what they are feeling. Specific offers can also make it easier to accept help. Bringing a meal, helping with children or handling an errand gives someone a concrete choice instead of requiring them to answer the broad question, "What can I do?" When grief is connected to a traumatic event Grief can become more complicated when a death happens suddenly or violently, particularly for people who witnessed what happened or were directly involved in the aftermath. That can include people who did not personally know the person who died. Students, employees and visitors who witnessed Charlie Kirk's assassination at Utah Valley University, for example, experienced the same event from very different perspectives. After a traumatic event, people may experience intrusive memories, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, heightened awareness of their surroundings or a desire to avoid places and situations that remind them of what happened. Others may have little immediate reaction before experiencing those feelings later. Large-scale traumatic events can also affect an entire community. People may grieve what happened while also struggling with fear, anger or a changed sense of safety in a place that previously felt familiar. Returning to routines and staying connected with family, friends and community can help following a traumatic event. People experiencing persistent symptoms that interfere with daily life may also benefit from additional mental health support. Children may experience grief differently Children don't necessarily understand or express grief the same way adults do. The American Academy of Pediatrics reports a child's understanding of death develops with age. Young children may not initially understand that death is permanent and may repeatedly ask when someone will return. Those repeated questions don't necessarily mean a child wasn't listening. They can be part of how children gradually understand what happened. Grief may also appear through a child's behavior. Some children may become withdrawn or anxious, have trouble concentrating or experience changes in sleep or appetite. Others may express their feelings through play. A child can also move quickly between grieving and ordinary childhood activities. Crying or talking about the person who died may be followed by wanting to play or spend time with friends. Parents and caregivers can help by allowing children to ask questions and providing clear, age-appropriate answers. Maintaining familiar routines can also provide stability when other parts of a child's life have suddenly changed. A child's grief may return in new ways years later. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes children can revisit a loss as they reach new developmental stages and gain a different understanding of what the death means. A child who loses a parent when very young, for example, may experience that absence differently as they begin school, become a teenager, graduate or reach other milestones. Finding additional help Family and friends may provide much of the support someone needs, but some people can benefit from additional help. KUTV has previously highlighted The Sharing Place, a Utah nonprofit that provides grief support to children and their parents following the death of a loved one. The organization uses support groups to give children opportunities to express their feelings and connect with others who have experienced a death. KUTV's Eye on Mental Health series has also explored grief and loss, including discussions about healthy ways to heal and when someone may need additional mental health support. The American Psychological Association recommends considering professional help when grief remains severe for an extended period or interferes with someone's ability to carry out everyday activities. For children, prolonged difficulty functioning at home or school, sustained depression, significant behavioral changes or concerns about self-harm can signal the need for additional professional support. Grief may change with time, but reaching an anniversary or milestone doesn't require someone to leave the person they lost — or their memories of that person — behind. _____