I Used to Dread Logging into my Bank Accounts

There's a reason I wrote about emotional solvency before financial. It's because, for me, I couldn't have become stronger financially without doing the emotional work. I used to be the person who got anxious at the thought of logging into her online apps. I didn't want to know. Ignorance was bliss. Lies. Ignorance was definitely not bliss. Like a broken record, I've repeated this in my posts:I made a complete transformation over the course of almost a year. It only took one major traumatic and life altering event to really put things into perspective. I truly believe that God has given me second chance to do things correctly this time. And by correctly, it simply means putting myself first. When I first started on my path to becoming holistically solvent, I put weekly finance meetings in place for myself. I remember the day that my alarm went off for the first meeting. My chest was tight. I felt as though I was walking into a dungeon to be persecuted. Like the scene in GOT when Cersei walks naked through the streets. Why did I feel that way? That's a great question, thanks for asking! I think I felt ashamed of what I would be walking into. Ashamed of the balances I'd avoided checking. I'd spent so many years being chastised instead of taught by people who thought they knew it all. Therefore, when the alarm went off for the first financial meeting, it felt like I would be walking into familiarity. Until I actually opened my laptop and realized something amazing…. THIS WAS MY SPACE. And my space does not have to be uncomfortable. My space does not have to feel unsafe. I finally had the opportunity to create the meeting that I wanted to. I finally had the freedom to view my finances without judgement but with honest eyes. And from there, things only got better. It started out as discomfort then it got increasingly better. Now, I look forward to the meetings so much that I even have them twice per week. I find it invigorating to make notes about financial mistakes I may have made during a certain week and to focus on how to fix it moving forward. I look forward to celebrating my wins. Knowing where every single dollar goes has been life changing for me. But I now understand that in order to get to this point, I had to first fix my approach towards my finances. And that couldn't have been done without doing the work mentally. I no longer live inside my head. I take things for what they are. Because only then can I do better. Subscribe now