A Son of Two Mothers

My mother-in-law died this past week. May her memory always be a blessing! At the time of her passing, she was surrounded by two of her children and memories of her third, her daughter-in-law, and a granddaughter. Oh yes, and by much love. She had moved to Santa Barbara a few years ago to be near family, and had settled into a fairly comfortable life of volunteering, socializing, and recreation. Some physical ailments did not deter her from having fun, but these last two months were markedly different, as she suffered from serious infections that weakened her and ultimately ended her life. Yet she never lost hope, even with inconsistent medical care. I hope she knew how much she was loved, and how much we will miss her. I want to reflect on one of the many reasons I shed tears when I learned of her passing shortly after she died. As the fourth of five children in my nuclear family, I was born in 1955, so my mother's death in 1994 meant that I had 39 loving and exciting years to enjoy and benefit from her parenting, her humor, her wisdom, her strengths, and even from her weaknesses. I met my mother-in-law-to-be during the summer of 1988 before my second year of seminary in Cincinnati. That means that I was privileged to know her, enjoy her company, and benefit from 38 years of her strengths. She was a fierce women's right advocate, a woman of great integrity, a mentsch of great humor and a lover of life, and someone who knew her family history backwards and forwards, much like my own mother knew hers. What intrigued me was that I had known and benefited from my mother-in-law's presence in my life almost the same amount of time that I had benefited from my own mother's gifts. Taking that figure of a combined 77 years, plus the 39 years that I have known my wife, again underscores how we must appreciate the strong women in our world. For me, this includes my sisters and sisters-in-law, their daughters and their children, and to all those whom I have known and been close to. In the same week, our nation began mourning for two other very high profile women, Dolly Parton and Gloria Steinem, who similarly showed generations of women - and men - what it meant to be strong, assertive, successful, and morally upright in a world so prone to corruptness. These are examples that many can emulate. We should be truly grateful for all women, like my mother and my mother-in-law, whose exemplary work can help us succeed in life. For in getting to know and appreciate both these strong women, each had vital things to teach me: my mother, as a teacher of motherly matters, as a guide, as the mollifier and peacemaker, even as the bill-payer; and my mother-in-law, as a friend, confidante, ghost editor of some of my more difficult sermons, and even a modest drinking partner, when, during our summers at Bethany Beach, she and I would share some very potent margaritas at the end of a long, hot, beach day when preparing for dinner. I will miss my mother-in-law's courage and chutzpah, her laughter and her tears, her protective care over her family, and the love she showed to all. I feel fortunate for our family and our children who also benefited from her love. May her memory always inspire others to find the true persons they are meant to be.