Consider this my press conference

. The writer is a Harvard Project Zero–trained educator and internationally published writer and journalist I have been accused of becoming antisocial so many times that I am starting to wonder whether I should hold a press conference and clear the matter once and for all in the top national newspaper of Pakistan, The Express Tribune. Yes! People keep asking me why I avoid so many social gatherings, and I have finally decided that perhaps I owe society an explanation before my absence becomes a matter for a parliamentary committee. "Why didn't you come?" "You should have come." "You never attend anything." "You are becoming antisocial." "Are you upset with us?" No. I am not upset with you. I just did not want to sit at a table for four hours listening to grown adults discuss who is getting married, who is having a baby, whose son has gone abroad, whose daughter has gained weight, whose cousin is "looking for a good match", and whose sister-in-law is apparently very upset because someone did not invite her to something. I know this sounds terrible. I am supposed to say, "I absolutely love social gatherings! Meeting everyone is such a blessing!" Well, I don't. There. I said it. To be honest, the moment I enter certain gatherings, I can almost hear an invisible bell ringing. Ding ding. The unmarried woman has arrived. Somebody has to question her. Well, ding ding all you want, but I simply do not believe that every person I know needs to be seen in person every three weeks to confirm that we are still alive. Some people seem to think friendship is measured by attendance. If you were not physically present at someone's dinner, apparently the relationship has entered a dangerous stage. Calm down. I have not joined a monastery. I am not sitting in a dark room cutting people out of my life with a pair of scissors. I just looked at the invitation, looked at the people attending, imagined the conversation, and thought, "You know what? I actually value my evening." Is that really such a criminal thought? I have also started noticing that many gatherings follow the same programme. First, everyone says hello. Then everyone looks at everyone. Then someone notices that someone has lost weight. Then somebody notices that someone has gained weight. Then someone asks about marriage. Then children. Then jobs. Then property. Then somebody mentions a person who is not there. That person becomes the main character. Within fifteen minutes, the person who is actually sitting at the table has disappeared from the conversation. Now we are discussing her cousin. Her cousin's husband. Her husband's brother. His wife's sister. And somehow, by the end, I know more about six people I have never met than I know about the person sitting directly opposite me. And before somebody's aunt starts diagnosing my personality, let me explain something very simple. I am not antisocial. I actually love people. I love funny people. I love intelligent people. I love people who are capable of having a conversation that does not require a family tree, a wedding card, or somebody else's private life. I love conversations that wander into strange places and somehow become interesting. I can sit with the right person for hours and not even notice the time. The problem is that I keep being invited to gatherings where the human beings are present, but the conversation has been declared missing. So please, if you want me at your next dinner, birthday, wedding or family gathering, do not call me antisocial. Just make the conversation worth the petrol. I will happily come. And if someone manages to get through an entire dinner without asking me when I am getting married, I might even consider staying for dessert.