tired today? AGAIN?

Masking is when youhidehow you actually feel, your brain has to override 5 different cognitive processes, which suppress your real response, construct a socially acceptable one, predict their reaction, monitor your own and regulate the stress of doing all of the above. Which iswhypeople pleasing is EXHAUSTING. You've been doing it for years, it's subtle, but no wonder you're tired. People pleasing, saying Yes when you mean No, but you don't want to be seen as 'disagreeable' 'selfish' or 'bad'. The Science Your genuine impulse about how you feel. The Prefrontal Cortex inhibits your response - how you genuinely feel - and then helps maintain what you believe is a socially acceptable response. The Anterior cingulate cortex is where the self monitoring comes in, scanning your behaviour milliseconds, I'm so sorry everyone who grew up in a home where you 'had' to do this. The Amygdala and Autonomic Stress Response, is the part of your brain that perceives a potential threat. This is great, it's keeping you alive, but it's overworking, someone testing your boundaries isn't a threat *hopefully* but your brain may think that they are. Which is learned behaviour, so you can unlearn it too. Boundaries can simply be an opportunity for you to say NO. The Sympathetic Nervous System. This part of your brain can make you feel on edge; that dread in your stomach, tightening your jaw, your chest feels tight and your forehead starts to throb. As you inhibit how you actually feel. The Automatic Emotional Response. This is internally preparing you to run or freeze or fawn, whilst outwardly you're saying 'yeah it's fine' with a smile plastered on your face, the conscious inhibition/regulation. The Why Many of us grew up in houses with caregivers who did not regulate their emotions, do the 'work' or take accountability for their feelings. This can create a story in our heads as children; if I suppress how I feel, Mommy & Daddy are less angry = I receive more love, therefore I will suppress how I feel, so I am loved and SAFE. This is a lie. Children create stories when they don't understand things. The truth is Mommy and Daddy probably have their own trauma and were doing their best with the information they had at the time. (TW: I am not negating abuse, of ANY kind, this is for people who have not been abused, I haven't so I can't relate to that, just regular parents being neglectful and giving you trauma). You do not have to mask how you feel to be loved and to be safe, you are allowed to be your whole authentic unapologetic self and people will love you. Even if you haven't found your people yet, I pray that you will, you have to get out there and attend things you love, regularly. You're also not alone, trauma inducing childhoods are the one thing I could say everyone has experienced, whether people have gone through actual abuse, or regular old trauma, which means you now have a chronic illness because you mask for YEARS, lots of people can relate. How to not mask I hear you ask? Be yourself, don't hold back, hold your boundaries and say no when you mean no. Also give yourself grace if you don't get it right the first few times, like a muscle you have to use it to make it nice and strong. Now lets get some reps in Love y'all xxx