Reframing and Redirecting: Skills Worth Mastering

It's been quite the week around here: last Wednesday my husband was riding his bike and was hit head-on by an SUV. The impact sent him flying off of his bike, landing onto the hood of the SUV and then rolling down onto the ground.(He was wearing a helmet, as always. Whether you're an adult or a child, you should be wearing appropriate safety gear whenever you are using/riding something with wheels. You never know when an accident is going to happen.) He was very lucky, 'only' getting a minor compression fracture in his back, badly bruising his tailbone, his left foot, and many other body parts, along with assorted cuts and scrapes. It's going to take about 8-12 weeks to recover, but he WILL recover fully and we are counting our blessings. He is in a lot of pain and is moving around slowly, but that he is able to move around at all is really good news. With his being under a lot of physical and mental duress and my being under a lot of mental duress plus being physically exhausted from taking on almost everything around the house (I'm so lucky in that he is truly an equal partner under normal circumstances!), things have gotten dark quite often over the past six days. One very bothersome—and very normal—thing is the way I think about whatcould've happened, especially when I close my eyes at night. He could've hit his head and ended up with a severe concussion or brain injury, he could've become paralyzed, he could've…not survived. Catastrophizing is not a useful way to spend time, but in my case specifically it isn't normal behavior: it started coming about as a result of the trauma of his accident. Luckily, I know how helpful reframing and redirecting can be. As soon as those dark thoughts enter my brain, I dig deeply (it's TOUGH!) and remind myself that yes, he did have an accident, but none of those catastrophic physical things happened, that he IS recovering, and that he will eventually be back to himself. Filling my brain with the current facts is like taking a broom to the dark stuff. It doesn't get swept away forever: I have trouble every nightright now. But by reframing and redirecting those thoughts I get a little bit of temporary relief and I know from experience that in time, the relief time will expand into much, much longer stretches. Similarly, this week as I have had to take on the jobs around the house that he typically does when he's in good physical health, it's been easy to wallow in my feelings. More than once, the thought has entered my head that it feels like it's going to be 'forever' until he is fully recovered. When I remember who I am (NOT someone who enjoys wallowing in negativity) a few minutes later, I do my best to reframe and redirect. I remind myself that it's only been X number of days, that we are so lucky because it could have been worse, and this is temporary, not forever. I'm not trying to flood myself with Pollyanna-like positivity; I'm just reminding myself of the facts. When I can relax into what's actually happening rather than the lies that the dark side of my brain is trying to tell me, I feel so much better. Living in a state of gratitude, reality, and loving care does a whole lot for my mental health and my attitude, even though it's really hard work to keep myself in that state. It helps to make me stronger for future challenges, too. By the way, reminding myself of the other good stuff is very helpful as well, including but not limited to: We have a great network of friends and family who have been (and always are) so supportive. We've been making more time in the past couple of days to get to our neighborhood pool because it gives him some relief on his back, and we love pool time. While we are grateful for each other and what we each contribute to this house and this marriage all the time (truly: we do express this to each other often), these feelings are turbo-charged right now. He appreciates all I'm doing right now and I appreciate all he normally does even more. Just like most things, this too shall pass. And when it does, what will remain with me are the lessons that were learnedand strengthenedfrom this temporary phase of hardship that we handled in my favorite way:together. ❤️ Thanks for reading Protecting My Peace! Please share this post if it resonates. Share To receive new posts to your inbox every Tuesday, consider becoming a subscriber.