A relationship without arguments is not always peaceful: How silence becomes a problem that no one solves

A well-resolved conflict does not have to end in complete agreement. It is enough for both partners to understand what is important to the other, take their share of responsibility, and agree on the next step. Disclaimer: The translations are mostly done through AI translator and might not be 100% accurate. A couple that never argues may seem harmonious on the outside. However, the absence of arguments is not the same as good communication. Sometimes it means that partners know how to talk calmly, but sometimes it just shows that difficult topics are postponed, needs are silenced, and dissatisfaction is turned into distance. It is important to distinguish conflict from destructive conflict. Disagreement is normal when two people share time, money, space, and responsibilities. The problem arises when the conversation turns into personal criticism, contempt, constant defensiveness, or complete closure. Gottman Institute It is precisely these patterns that he singles out as risky, while he describes stable couples not as people without problems, but as partners who manage to fix the conversation when it takes a wrong turn. A dynamic in which one person increasingly pushes for conversation while the other withdraws can be particularly draining. A meta-analysis of 74 studies, with more than 14.000 participants, found that this pattern was significantly associated with poorer relationship and communication outcomes. This doesn't mean that every break is harmful: temporarily withdrawing can help when emotions are running high, but only if partners agree to return to the topic. A useful opening line is not "you never want to talk," but a precise description of the experience: "I'm worried that we've been putting off talking about expenses for two weeks. I'd like to set aside 20 minutes tonight." This kind of wording speaks to a specific problem, a personal feeling, and a clear request. The other party then has a better chance of hearing the need without feeling like their character is being attacked. A well-resolved conflict does not have to end in complete agreement. It is enough for both partners to understand what is important to the other, take their share of responsibility and agree on the next step. The true measure of the health of a relationship is therefore not the number of arguments, but the answer to a simple question: can we talk about what hurts us, while maintaining respect and getting back to each other? Article prepared with the support of AI tools. See more: Download the app and follow the news FOLLOW US ON