Norton: Never underestimate the power a healthy self-image

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered, 'Who is that person staring back at me?' It has probably happened to all of us at one time or another. Maybe we are going through a difficult season. We aren't sleeping enough, life is moving too fast, exercise has become something we will definitely start 'next Monday,' and we haven't been taking very good care of ourselves. Suddenly, the person in the mirror looks a little different than we remember. The opposite can be true, too. We are sleeping well, eating better, exercising and becoming more intentional about how we spend our time. We look in the mirror and like what we see. Our hard work is producing results. But what happens when there is no mirror? That is the reflection I am thinking about today. How do we see ourselves when nobody else is looking? When there is no mirror, no audience, no title, no résumé, no accomplishments and no one telling us how great or how terrible we are? That reflection matters far more than the one staring back at us from the bathroom mirror. If you struggle with a healthy self-image, remember something simple: God doesn't make any junk. Zig Ziglar famously reminded us, 'You were designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness.' Yet sometimes we confuse our reputation with our character. Reputation is what other people believe about us. Character is who we really are. We can spend years building a reputation based on accomplishments, titles, income, awards, recognition or the image we project to the world. And once we have built that image, we can become fiercely protective of it. But eventually, we have to look beyond reputation and examine character. That is where the cracks sometimes appear. We have a choice when they do. We can ignore them and continue protecting the image, or we can begin working on the person behind the image. We can become less concerned about defending who we are today and more committed to becoming who we are capable of being tomorrow. There is another threat to a healthy self-image: allowing other people to define us. Someone criticizes us. We lose a sale. We make a mistake. We have a bad day at work. Someone questions our judgment. A relationship struggles. Before long, we allow a bad moment or someone else's opinion to become a verdict on our worth. One of the most powerful concepts I learned from Sandler is called I/R Theory, which separates our Identity from our Role. Our roles change constantly. Parent. Spouse. Friend. Leader. Salesperson. Teacher. Coach. Student. Business owner. Employee. And some days we perform those roles brilliantly. Other days? Not so much. Our role performance might be a 3 today and a 10 tomorrow. But our identity should remain a 10. At Sandler, we call that I-10. I can lose a sale without becoming a loser. I can make a bad decision without becoming a bad person. I can fail at something without becoming a failure. I can receive criticism without surrendering my identity to the person delivering it. That doesn't mean ignoring our shortcomings. Quite the opposite. A healthy self-image gives us the confidence to acknowledge where we need to improve without destroying ourselves in the process. And for me, there is an even deeper foundation. Psalm 139:14 says, 'I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful.' God doesn't make any junk. So, how about you? Has your self-image taken a few hits lately? Have you allowed a mistake, a disappointment, someone else's opinion, or even your own reflection to determine your value? Maybe it is time to look into a different kind of mirror. See the person God created. Work on the character that person is becoming. Give yourself grace for yesterday, take responsibility for today, and keep growing toward tomorrow. I would love to hear your story at gotonorton@gmail.com . And when we learn to separate what happens to us from what we believe about ourselves, we begin to understand the incredible power of a healthy self-image. And that really will be a better-than-good life. Michael Norton is an author, a personal and professional coach, consultant, trainer, encourager, and motivator of individuals and businesses, working with organizations and associations across multiple industries.