​Why does resting feel so hard?

Why can't we just rest? | Letícia Alvare The busyness can feel productive. It can even feel virtuous. But a lot of the time it's actually just very hard to be still. Sign up to our Nenagh Live newsletter Sign up Thank you for signing up! Did you know you can manage your profile, and explore all of the available newsletters from Nenagh Live within your account. Edit Preferences Sorry, there seem to be some issues. Please try again later. Submitting... ​You know the feeling: you finally sit down. The day is done, or done enough. You've earned this. And then, your eyes start moving around the room. The cup left on the counter.; the washing that needs folding.; the message you haven't replied to yet. And before you've taken a proper breath, you're back on your feet. "It'll only take two minutes. I can't sit here looking at it'. Does any of this sound familiar? A lot of people find it genuinely difficult to stop. Not because they don't want to; after all, they're exhausted, their body is telling them in every way it can, but because the moment they try to do nothing, something uncomfortable creeps in. A low hum of guilt. A sense that they shouldn't be sitting down when there's still things to be done. That somehow, stopping needs to be earned, and the bar for earning it keeps moving. The busyness can feel productive. It can even feel virtuous. But a lot of the time it's actually just very hard to be still. Here's what's worth knowing. Rest isn't just a reward for getting everything done. Everything is never done. If you're waiting for the moment when the list is finally clear, and you can sit down in good conscience, that moment isn't coming. The list just grows back. This isn't laziness, and it isn't poor time management. For a lot of people it goes a bit deeper than that: it's a quiet belief that unless they're doing something useful, they don't quite deserve to switch off. Most of us were never taught that rest is part of the day. We were taught that it's what you do when everything else is finished. And so the guilt that shows up when we try to stop isn't weakness, it's just a very old, very unhelpful message playing on a loop. So here's something small to try this week. The next time you sit down and feel that urge to jump back up, just pause for a moment before you do. Notice the feeling. Name it: that's the guilt again. You don't have to fight it or fix it. Just notice it, and give yourself five more minutes before you decide whether the cup on the counter actually needs dealing with right now. It usually doesn't. And you already knew that. ​ Deirdre Ryan is a psychotherapist with nearly 20 years of experience and Clinical Director of Tipperary Counselling Service.